gY to max Canadian

A new beggining?

Well, first i gotta apologize for not updating my blog.. Erm, well, actually i've forgotten haha, and oso, quite a few things DID happen in the meantime..

First, my dad came to see me and family, and i'm really happy about it :D (partly becos he brought the most expensive mooncakes from guangzhou lol)

Second, i'm still as depressed as any could ever possibly get, but i might finally haf found the key- the key tat would open the door tat's trapping me inside this box.. therefore, these days i've been trying to figure out how to open the door with this "key" i tot i've found. however, sadly, just recently i found out tat actually i already got the real key long ago, and this key i found is not a key at all. So from now on i'll try to figure out the way to open the door by myself, so i can attain freedom..

Third, i've been having a similar dream since a week ago.. i dunno how to describe, but it's a gal with moderate hair length, always seems to be 10 m from me, but i can never reach her. everytime i see her, she seems to want me to go near her, however, i just can't proceed, no matter how much strength i use, like sum typical dream. Although she appears to be naked, her face is a source of bright light, making it impossible for me to see her real appearance.. Well, it's not sumthing dirty, so dun think twisted k.

So tat about all.. i hope to be able to bring back my old self, my old feelings, such as fear, etc etc, or else i won't even haf the heart to find a galfren lol.. kkz hopefully i can put my next post soon, which is me being released from the eternal hellhole..

posted by -=Punisher=- @ 11:32 p.m. 4 comments

Not a fraid of death when u haf nothing to lose..

well, it's been sum time since i last post on this blog. alot happened, but i'll just pick one particular stuff to talk about: ghost movie.

2 days ago, i watched a ghost movie called "one missed call 2" with my family and frens. well, i guess it's another successful attempt by japanese directors, after "the ring", to scare our hearts out.. my fren- male, 15 years old, covered his eyes and ear for 1 and 1/2 hour in this 2 hour long movie, and he can't get into sleep at that very night. in the end, he crawled to his sister's bed and sleep with her sister, lol. (he must be sneezing right now :D) same goes to my mum, and my timid little brother, they can't seem to get to sleep till 3am, sigh..

now cums the gist of this blog, i found a weird thing: i'm not afraid.. well, not tat i'm courageous or brave or wat, but i'm just not afraid.. this is really weird becos i know i would be afraid, at least frightened a little, but this time it's really weird..

this left me to think this few days.. and, i finally got the answer: i'm not afraid becos i haf nothing to lose. or rather, i feel like i haf nothing to lose.. it is true tat ppl afraid of death when they fear tat they would lose wat they own now, tat's y they are afraid of stuffs like "ghosts", "aliens", "devils", etc.. ever since i came to canada, i feel like i've lost anything i own, anything tat belonged to me, and tat caused me to be unafraid of ANYTHING, like "cum get me i dun care anymore"..

well, it's even weirder tat i WANT to feel afraid once more, i want to feel afraid of dying, afraid of losing wat i own, i want to feel my presence once more..
when will tat day cum?..

posted by -=Punisher=- @ 4:50 p.m. 6 comments